he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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