just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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