I've blown a few things in my day
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
