My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
