Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
