if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
