i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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