I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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