at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
