Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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