dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think I sprained my soul last night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
