these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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