Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
