I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
