I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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