It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You're like the curious george of whores
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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