How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
