we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
