I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize