I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
