rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
