do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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