he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
