Already got asked if we're dating
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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