I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
