3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
