I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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