I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
