He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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