did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize