I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
zippers are such a cool invention
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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