I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
