I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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