You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
