So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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