Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
