Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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