Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
