She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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