I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
