every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
