I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
