I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
