Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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