i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
