when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
