the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My dad is sitting where you rode me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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