at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
