i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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