Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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