Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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