he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Randomize
