We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize