Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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