I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
