Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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