This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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