im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
