In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
