So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
