They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
