Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im holly from the hills drunk
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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