Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
