my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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