You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize