He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
