yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you win again, gameday.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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